it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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