WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
