if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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