And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
