Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My penis needs a shock collar
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
