??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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