I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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