i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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