I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
