Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
