just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
