I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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