I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
