Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
