Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
