John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
