Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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