The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i drank out of a bidet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
