funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
