So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
