That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
