I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
