When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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