So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
