so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
