All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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