so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
