There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
