i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
