Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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