yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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