sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
