pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
