She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
