Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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