she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
