Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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