I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
