I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
