You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
