I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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