Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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