Small penises have feelings too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
