Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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