Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
