Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
