sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
