I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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