I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
