They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
