remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
