Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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