Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
