My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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